Through no fault of your own, you actually looked smarter than some of your colleagues during this Supreme Court nomination process. Not that that makes you not intolerable, it simply amazes me that some Senators are even more intolerable.

I think you should go for a motorcycle ride with Governor Schwarzenegger and don't sweat the helmet.

Sincerely,

The President

Hey, wake up!

Signed,

The President

You know, Chuck, if you're so worried about Judge Samuel Alito following the dictates of the President should he serve on the Supreme Court, I'm surprised you didn't ask him as an Italian-American if he would take phone calls from the Vatican on death penalty cases.

I'm changing your name on my rolodex to Schmuck Chumer, you putz.

Quite Sincerely,

The President

May I express my admiration for your demeanor and conduct during the abysmal Senate hearings on your Supreme Court nomination. I should like to apologize for the disastrous waste of time and for the emotional cruelty delivered to you in front of millions of people, but there is no proper apology short of a mass suicide by the entire Judiciary Committee.

Also, kudos to your wife, who I noticed was scratching her eyebrow with her middle finger when Senator Kennedy questioned you.

Best of luck to you all.

Sincerely,

The President

P.S. By the way, your daughter's a real dish.

You are all beating a dead horse by endlessly repeating the idiom "beating a dead horse." Knock it off.

Signed,

The President

P.S. Why don't you all beat a live Senator.