Come on, let them drill for oil in Alaska already. It's just oozing out of the rocks there. Let's go clean it up and suck it out of the ground right now, before the gas prices go up in June again.
Signed,
The President
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You granted an temporary restraining order against David Letterman on behalf of a woman who claims he used code words, gestures, and "eye expressions" to convey his desires to marry her and train her as his co-host, causing mental cruelty and harassment and resulting in sleep deprivation and bankruptcy. You have ordered Letterman to stay at least three feet away from her and to "stop thinking about her."
I know the peyote and magic mushrooms are really potent out there, but please, keep it out of the legal system.
You people are something else.
Sincerely,
The President
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So you have decided to seek shareholder approval for executive severance packages that exceed 2.99 times annual salary plus bonus. That's awfully big of you.
Your cola is still flat. I already sent you a memo about that.
Regards,
The President
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Well, we can safely say the streets are a little safer in New Orleans now that two of your own have been relieved of duty for beating a civilian.
That's quite a town you have there. I think a lot of the wrong people got swept away in the hurricane.
Sincerely,
The President
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Look, if we had beaten you, they'd have to carry you around in a bucket.
I knew we should have just shot you in the spiderhole when we found you.
Sincerely,
The President
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