Holy cow, what was your wife wearing today? You looked like you were walking my grandmother's sofa down off the plane.

Really, Vlad, you're going to have to give her a triple dose of polonium-210 when you poison her like you didn't do to that ex-spy guy of yours.

Signed,

The President

I think the reason why Condi Rice is mad at you is because you kept staring at her chest while you were giving your presentation on the flat tax. She's always been a little sensitive about that.

I suggest from now on you just keep your eyes on your charts during our meetings.

-P

No, Uncle Ben is not Jewish and his rice has not recently gone kosher. The "converted" refers to the rice which has been steamed in its husk prior to milling, making it more nutritious than regular white rice but less nutritious than brown rice. Thus, Uncle Ben and Sammy Davis Jr. do not have that in common.

Perhaps you should open a window and get some fresh air in your office.

-P

Brrrrr!

Signed,

The President

Believe me, I am well aware of the threat Al-Qaeda is directing toward our economy. The Syrians who own the liquor store down the street constantly double-charge me for my Strawberry Iced Tea Snapples and the lighters they sell never work. Don't think I don't get it.

Of course, on the other hand, they've moved so many of their family here to the States that by attacking our economy they are really only hurting themselves.

-P