Get your ass back here. We actually need you for something.

-P

It's your magazine, you can put whoever you want on your cover and call them your Person of the Year or Threesome of the Year or whatever you want.

I find it very funny you would picture Bono (not Sonny, the other guy), Bill Gates, and Melinda Gates as your Trio of the Year, since your company AOL has inked a deal with Google, leaving Bill G. and Microsoft in the cold. And I don't know what the deal is with Bono, but if he's serious about solving world poverty he should take a look at his concert ticket prices.

What a bunch of phonies, the bunch of you.

Sincerely,

The President

I just wanted to tell you that you have officially shot yourselves in the foot.

If you had stayed on the job and helped people with their Christmas shopping and vacationing and commuting, maybe you might have had some credibility in your position. However, now on December 20, you've called a strike and now everybody in New York City is stuck. In 19 degree weather.

If you have any friends at all now, they're probably in the cab drivers union.

Signed,

The President

Whew! What a weekend! What happened?

-P

Okay, I think we've worked out an agreement. We're not going to torture John McCain.

Pass it on.

-P