Hey, if you want to know who Bob Novak's sources are, go ask him. Why isn't he in jail?
Signed,
The President
P.S. If he won't tell you, maybe you should torture him, you bastard.
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No doubt that anyone stalking you would have to be mentally ill.
Please be kind to this poor soul.
Signed,
The President
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I'm sorry I can't help you to allow Cuba to be part of your World Baseball Championships. Actually, I'm not sorry. In fact, I don't care.
Since nobody can prove that Fidel Castro didn't help kill JFK, we have to assume he is still a suspect. Therefore, his team can't play with our kids. Sorry, that's the way it is.
Why don't you go to Cuba and you can run their baseball league? I'll let that happen if you promise to stay there.
Sincerely,
The President
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Could you please keep your water in your reservoirs where it belongs? I got enough disasters to deal with.
Signed,
The President
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You know, when you've got Rush Limbaugh, Terrell Owens, and the NAACP on your ass, you know you're having a shitty day. Can't a brother catch a break?
If only it could just be about playing football.
Cheers,
The President
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