Hey, I think we need to put you on some midwest flights, and put your brilliant mind to work during this winter holiday season.

Happy Landings,

The President

P.S. Bring your scarf and gloves.

Hi there!

I've been a big fan of yours ever since you and the Cookie Bear were hanging out on Sunday nights on NBC. I have decided that you will be America's official Voice of Christmas and I hope it won't be a burden on you and your busy schedule.

Please carry the enclosed Nextel phone with you so I may easier arrange for your appearances wherever and whenever I may need you. You are free to bring the Cookie Bear.

I appreciate your cooperation, as it is truly the most wonderful time of the year, and it is nothing without you.

Kind Regards,

The President

Why don't we send out Hanukkah cards? Why do I have to make a choice? Why don't we just send everybody a card for everything?

There. The end.

Signed,

The President

Look, make the Christmas cards so that they say "Merry Christmas." I don't know why this is such a big deal to everyone. "Merry Christmas," just like I've been saying since whenever.

If anyone is offended, they can send the card back and we'll take them off the Christmas card list. End of problem.

Man, I tell you, if a Jew gets elected president, you people are going to plotz for sure.

Signed,

The President

I was thinking about your next movie role...





Well, anyway, just think about it.

Regards,

The President