Stop killing people and lying about covering it up. You're killing my stock portfolio.

Signed,

The President

I know your name, I just don't feel like doing all that typing.

Hey, shut up. Take a seat and shut up.

I think I recognize you from the students holding our people hostage in 1979. I think we should come get you.

See you soon,

The President

You are truly annoying and redundant. Please quit repeating a committee witness' statement and stating it like it's a set-up for a point that never is made.

You are just so very irritating to listen to. Please do not run for president.

Sincerely,

The President

So Sgt. Pepper took you by surprise
You better see right through that mother's eyes
Those freaks was right when they said you was dead
The one mistake you made was in your head
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?

You live with straights who tell you you was king
Jump when your momma tell you anything
The only thing you done was yesterday
And since you're gone you're just another day
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?

Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?

A pretty face may last a year or two
But pretty soon they'll see what you can do
The sound you make is muzak to my ears
You must have learned something in all those years
Ah, how do you sleep?
Ah, how do you sleep at night?

That John Lennon sure was a nice guy.

Signed,

The President

Well, when one Door opens, another one closes, and here's one you closed yourselves twenty-five years ago today.



Perhaps instead of gun control you could all implement some self-control, and if that is not possible, then please kindly control your guns enough to fire only on yourselves.

Signed,

The President