I saw the Saddam trial yesterday on C-Span. What a cluster-(expletive deleted).

I think the thing to do is let go of a "stray" smart bomb toward the courthouse and end the whole thing right now, once and for all.

-P

HOLY (EXPLETIVE DELETED) IT'S (EXPLETIVE DELETED) FREEZING IN HERE!!

KEEP YOUR (EXPLETIVE DELETED) HANDS OFF THE THERMOSTAT!!

QUITE (EXPLETIVE DELETED) SINCERELY,

THE (EXPLETIVE DELETED) PRESIDENT

I saw your three-hour town meeting from Tuesday. Brother, I almost feel bad for you. You are the shepherd of one crazy flock down there.

Of course, had you put your flock on buses and gotten them the hell out of there when you should have, well, you'd still have a mess down there.

I wasn't impressed by your choice of ties but I'm glad you're wearing french cuffs.

I'm sending you a Missouri smoked turkey and maybe you and Thad Allen can share a few beers.

Good Luck,

The President

Rummy, they're giving me a headache. That Pakistani president said he's "200 per cent" sure they got that al qaeda guy. What does that mean? If he says later that he's 100 per cent sure about something, should I be worried?

Forget it. I'm already worried.

-P

P.S. Hey, we're at "The Office" and they got the pool table fixed. Come on down.

You know, with all the graft and corruption investigations going on at the U.N., Kofi Annan decides to fire some Uruguayan chick for sexual harassment and mismanagement. The one guy he did dismiss for the food-for-oil bullpuckey was reinstated.

You can burn the checkbook for our dues because "we ain't payin'."

"Big Time" and I are chugging down hot toddies here at a little bar around the corner called "The Office." Come on down and join us and bring quarters for the juke box. "Ambassador" Jolie is here too, and we're trying to convince her to adopt us and hire Carmen Electra as nanny, so look nice and comb your moustache.

We're in the booth, in the back, in the corner, in the dark.

-P