Marvelous. I stop into a strip club looking for Ted Kennedy and I catch a cold from one of the girls at the Beltway Bunny Hutch. I could really use a 200-proof "Teddy High-Ball" right now.

Your Contac Day/Nite didn't work too well, the Tylenol Flu is okay, but I really need something to knock this deal out. I'm stuck at home on a Friday night watching the "Knots Landing Reunion."

Bring "the kit" over.

Thanks,

-P

P.S. Lisa Hartman still looks really good, and William Devane is still a stud.

Haven't heard from you lately. How have your Jet Blue flights been? I haven't seen any planes on the news, so I guess no news is good news.

I'm sending you four pre-packed suitcases for you and your family to take to the airport on your travels. Don't ask why, it's my gift to you. When the TSA officer asks if you packed your own bags, you tell them anything you like. I would love it if you told them that The President packed your bags for you.

Bon Voyage,

The President

I haven't heard or seen you lately, which means you're probably busy doing something important, like your job.

Brilliant!

I'm sending you a Missouri turkey. Thanks for your help.

Bon Appetit!

The President

So I think I understand what you're trying to say: If you make the airport passenger screening process really unpredictable and confusing so nobody can comprehend it, then the terrorists can't figure out how to beat the system.

Genius!

Signed,

The President

P.S. Thankfully, I have my own plane.

Lyndon's winking, the senator's winking, Lady Bird is smiling. All within minutes of the assassination of President Kennedy. Even if Lyndon didn't do it, they're all awfully happy about it.



So...no conspiracy?

Signed,

The President

P.S. You realize of course that Lyndon did do it, Mr. One-Bullet-Struck-Kennedy-And-Connolly-And-William McKinley.