No, I think you're mistaken. FAA Administrator Blakey asked for mediation in the air traffic controllers' negotiations, not meditation.

Thank you for your kind offer of assistance.

Sincerely,

The President

I don't blame you guys. I wouldn't want Henry Hyde on my pavement either.

Signed,

The President

Hi there, Russkies! I took a look at your 1979 nuclear option plan for Germany and Poland that was released today by the Poles, and it doesn't make you look bad at all. I mean, everyone has contingency plans and one must plan ahead for the future, right?

Of course, if it's all about your Boris and Natasha versus our Moose and Squirrel, then you know who my money is on.

By the way, don't drink the water from your China tributaries.

Signed,

The President

I think we're going to be pretty busy that day, but thanks for inviting us. However, if you do go ahead and buy an ice-cream cake to commemorate our nation's 1000th execution, please do it through petty cash.

-P

I just wanted to say nice job blowing 100 tons of benzene into the Songhua River. I'm sure your Russian neighbors will have no problem with your 50-mile spill drifting into their world, and no doubt your half-million citizens in the city of Harbin can do without drinking water for as long as necessary. Moreover, there should be no fear of collateral contimination affecting anyone in the future.

I, for one, have great confidence everything will be fine, just like after your neighbors blew up the Chernobyl nuclear power plant.

Signed,

The President