I''m thankful that Lyndon Johnson isn't around anymore.

-P

You did this forty-two years ago today.

Atta boy, that's the way to defend the Iraq policy. You go get 'em, tiger.

By the way, how's your friend Skateboard or whatever his name is?

-P

The dryer in the laundry room is still not working, just like it wasn't eleven days ago when I first called you.

As much as I would love to mingle for a few hours with the locals at the laundromat and listen to them bitch to me about what a crappy job I'm doing, the Secret Service says no. On top of that, I'm tired of hanging wet laundry all over the house because it never dries, and I can't hang it outside because some idiot will steal it and then I see it on e-bay.

So with the holidays coming up this week and all, see if you can't find time to put the belt on the dryer. If you can't, just leave the belt, bookmark the repair manual and I'll do it myself. Be sure to send me a postcard from your next job and let me know if you found it before next year was over.

Signed,

The President

I'm so happy to see that my $1.49 calls to 411 are helping you to do something useful, like buy out your competition MCI. This only confirms, of course, that there is in fact no difference in any of you cell phone companies.

And in case you didn't hear me screaming from my house, let me thank you here so much for "interrupting" my phone service over a measly $10. You guys give me the warm and fuzzies like I've never experienced before.

Sincerely,

The President