Why is it when I make a deposit in the bank that: a) I have to ask for my new balance; b) the teller invariably will write down my previous balance on my deposit slip and tell me to add the two; and c) I have to specifically ask that my cash deposit be credited immediately rather than wait overnight?

I have no doubt that I will not understand your answer.

Sincerely,

The President

You have chosen the cardboard box to be inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame.

Have you heard of any child who has ever put "cardboard box" on their Christmas list?

Perhaps paper bag came in a close second, followed by packing popcorn with large plastic shipping bag coming in fourth. However, bubble wrap is more beloved than any of those.

Sincerely,

The President

Thank you for your invitation to send money for your Rose Parade float, but I've already made my donations to the fund via parking tickets and towing charges, so talk to the police department's traffic division for your slice of my wallet.

Sincerely,

The President

P.S. I hate the Rose Parade.

Let me tell you how unimpressed with American business I am. First B&H Photo sends me the wrong battery for the camcorder and when I go to return it they want a 15% re-stocking fee, for a mistake they made. Neato. Then Fidelity Investments has my new account all set up, but it shows a balance of zero dollars. They can't find the checks I deposited with them.

This country is starting to function more like China and India every day.

-P

I've about had it with these cell phone companies. They either have lousy customer service for decent product or they have decent customer service for a lousy product.

I thought Sprint was a load of crap, and now Verizon is really bucking for the trophy. I'm about ready to just purchase a bullhorn and forget the cell phones altogether.

By the way, you're all doing a crappy job there.

-P