Holy smoke, Tom, give it a rest. Your commission was a failure, it achieved nothing, and if you really wanted to get something done you would have given everyone immunity and just have them tell everything.

Now you guys are chirping about foreign policy and why I'm not yammering about nuclear proliferation or doing anything about it. Let me tell you, Tom, you saw how everybody freaked out about gas hitting three bucks a gallon, you just watch them when I start hitting the nuclear deal over their heads. Believe me, I'm working on it.

I'm not going to comment on Lee Hamilton's statements because I can't stay awake for them.

Zzzzzz,

The President

So what took you guys so long to call a State of Emergency? Were you picking out the proper wine?

Say, what do you guys serve at a State of Emergency?

Signed,

Le President

So, how's it going?

Ca va?

Signed,

The President

Thanks for your note. I did like those, very much, and I also liked the blue and yellow ones and the dark pinkish-orange ones, but I didn't like the fat white ones with the line across them nor the green gel-cap ones. And I don't know what the butter-yellow long tablets were but get me a jar of those asap.

I hear what you're saying about the pharmaceutical companies, but you just tell them to go to hell and that's that. I get the same lobbying from them too, but you just stick to it and if you want more clinical trials done then that's the way it is. They're going to bitch about drugs taking years for FDA clearance no matter what, and if they cry about their stock prices then perhaps if they quit killing people maybe they would live long enough to buy their stock. Not only are they dying from these pharmaceutical drugs, they're paying through the nose for the privilege. On top of that, they put so many disclaimers on these commercials, side effects may include nausea, headaches, diarrhea, in some people may cause fever, vomiting, sexual dysfunction, stroke, heart trouble, you know they may as well add "death" to them. Of course the public is just as lame, wanting to know why you guys are holding up the med certifications and then get outraged when somebody comes up with a killer Vioxx, and then the pharms say that the public's expectation of a perfectly healthy drug is too high, but if you read the small print on these commercials I think I'd rather stay sick. It's all a big mess and as far as I'm concerned everybody should just smoke pot and call in sick to work and pick up all the litter in this country. How about just one day, Litter Day, and we pick up all the trash that everybody's been tossing around every day? Well I guess that's not your department, sorry.

Anyway get that jar to me and whatever else you think I'll need. The blue gel caps with the yellow stripe were good, but I'll never take those before a meeting again.

-P

Well, I had a nice, long weekend, just like Congress does. It was fantastic. I just sat around and went through catalogs I had been getting in the mail. Those things stack up! Fortunately I didn't order anything but just dog-eared a few things I'll take a look at later and hopefully it will be too late to order them. You know, it's not like they give us a clothing allowance here and there's always somebody taking your picture or visiting or you gotta go visit them and Washington D.C. in the summer, (expletive deleted), I go through four suits and eight shirts easily during any given day. Tell me that dry cleaning bill doesn't add up quick. And about that, every year I tell the IRS that it's tax deductible, and they say no, I'm not an independent contractor, I'm technically an employee, blah blah, blah, and it's a whole hassle and I tell them to (expletive deleted), and then I just pay somebody to get them off my ass. And you know, sometimes that way is more expensive than just paying the tax guy in the first place, but it's the principle of the thing, you know? I hate them. I'm going to shut them down as soon as I can get this stupid flat tax in place and people can pay their taxes at the post office or the supermarket or wherever.

So I see nothing happened on Friday when I was out, so obviously nobody noticed anything different, which is why you didn't hear from me Saturday or Sunday either. I thought I'd get here early and load up some coffee and go through the in-box. I'll let you know if I get any of your mail again. Sorry about the Cabela's catalog, I really didn't know I had it. You know I never read my mail. Besides, you shouldn't have been fly fishing anyway with your bum knees, so no big loss. Three days of being The President and you're ready for a vacation. I knew it. You were born for the office.

Anyway, when you do go on your fishing trip, I'll be rooting for all those fish to bite on your fly.

-P