Well my flight has landed and I'm here in Argentina.

Ay cabron.

Very Sincerely,

The President

Rummy, I need some guys to patrol our Mexican border. Chertoff's supposedly nabbing 160,000 non-Mexican illegals last year and releasing 120,000 who didn't show up for court. His plan is to add 1,500 Border Patrol guards and 2,000 detention beds. I don't think he gets it.

What if CIA found WMD's at the border? Would that help?

-P

Holy car alarm, woman! Why are you shouting in front of the Supreme Court buiding when you have a microphone? I would learn sign language just to not hear your voice.

By the way, all the reasons you gave for not approving Judge Alito's nomination convinced me he's just fine.

Signed,

The President

P.S. Also, regarding your "Gang of Five" clucking about the judge, I don't think any of you have to worry about having babies or being sexually harassed.

You want us to pay 39 cents for first-class postage? Why?

Signed,

The President

I've been watching Supreme Court nominee Sam Alito, and he's got this head bobbing thing going on, like a bird wearing an Ipod. I don't know if you've noticed it, but it's kind of weird. Do you think it's going to affect the vote?

If he doesn't work out then maybe I could nominate out-going Fed chairman Alan Greenspan. I don't know if anyone could object to him because I don't know if anyone really understands what he's saying.

I hope you're feeling better. Your hair is growing back nicely, but I'm thinking maybe you should shave your head. It would be very hip and you could tattoo the Liberty Bell on your scalp.

Think about it and let me know.

Signed,

The President

P.S. At your press conference with Pat Leahy there's some dork in the reporters' seats who is wearing a hat. Next time stop the press conference and tell that idiot to take his hat off. I would have thought somebody on staff or security would have told him that.