Hey, six nights of rioting in your little "pays provencal"? What's the matter, you all run out of Grey Poupon?

Poupon this, you overstuffed french poodle.

Sincerely,

The President

I realize you are a union and you can't be compromising on raises and benefits, but is paying for 5% of your health care along with a 9% raise in three years really enough of a hardship to warrant a strike?

On the other hand, by shutting down the Philadelphia's trolley, bus, and train network, you've solved all public transportation terrorism threats in your city.

Signed,

The President

You seem to be a well-spoken and reasonable public official. It's sad that you're getting no help from your colleagues.

-P

I don't care what your deal is as far as abortion or starry decisus or whatever. What I want to know is what you're going to do about these nutty laws outlawing smoking in certain outdoor areas. This whole anti-smoking frenzy has really become ridiculous. I've taken up smoking just to tell these people to butt out.

Anyway, just keep that in mind.

Thanks,

The President

Right on with your vote to legalize adult possession of less than one ounce of marijuana.

As if the mile-high altitude isn't high enough for you.

Regards,

The President

P.S. Maybe the Broncos could trade for Ricky Williams.