I see you speaking on the floor of the Senate. Your tie looks like the twin pull chains on the ceiling fan in the kitchen.

The President

I saw your letter to Mike Chertoff bitching him out about more FEMA problems.

Look, get off FEMA's ass. You guys want them to evacuate people who wanted to escape a disaster, deliver food and water and ice and whatever to everyone who didn't leave, and you want them to clothe, feed, house, and counsel everyone who did bail. On top of that you want FEMA to know, to a person, who is a sex offender, a violent criminal, on parole, or on probation. Assuming anybody could find out who was leaving and who was staying, who was going to pull those people's files from offices and courts that were under twelve feet of flood water?

Rick, I dig that you're tired and not happy about things, but the next time you type up a letter like the one you sent to Chertoff my suggestion is to shred it before sending it.

Sincerely,

The President

Ugh, it's Chuck and Camilla all day today for a welcoming ceremony, a little lunch, and then a black-tie deal tonight. I really love how the old guy gets married so he's got to impress the missus with all the people he knows and how important he is. Let me tell you if he starts chirping about the global warming bull(expletive deleted) I'm going to ask him how he killed Diana. She sure didn't die shoveling land mines in Angola.

I'll bet you anything they don't have hotel reservations anywhere and end up staying overnight at the White House. I hate when that happens but they do it all the time, all these "dignitaries" who pop into town and oops, can't get a room, end up staying the night, getting another free breakfast and invariably stealing an ash tray or a towel or something. Like they don't have an embassy they can stay at or an ambassador who can put them up for one night.

I don't know what we're having for dinner but Camilla looks like she could eat an apple through a tennis racket.

Let's go have a few drinks before Steve and Edie show up.

-P

Hey -- if the Senate was having a secret meeting, how come everyone knew about it but you never reported it to me?

There's something screwy here, and I'm going to find out what it is.

-P

Your secret terrorist prisons that only you and me and some other senior officials know about are on the front page of the Washington Post.

That would make them not secret.

You realize of course that if asked, I knew nothing of what you were doing.

Signed,

Nobody
Not The President