Good idea extending your state of emergency for thirty more days, though you might want consider even longer. Personally, I would suggest printing it on your currency or making it part of your flag.

Sincerely,

The President

I can give you a partial list right now:

Carmen Electra
Reese Witherspoon
Kate Hudson
Jessica Simpson
Christie Brinkley
Pam Anderson

I know they are all available now.

Thanks,

The President

P.S. Rachael Ray will be available soon too. I want her. She is yum-o.

P.P.S. Have you talked to Mira Sorvino lately?

I can appreciate your confusion regarding Turkey being on high-alert over the Pope's visit, seeing that Thanksgiving is already over and he's a German living in Italy anyway. I appreciate you coming to me first before taking your questions to the media.

Would it help any if I told you Turkey was a country?

Regards,

The President

P.S. Also, the Jordan I plan to visit is a country in the middle east, not a former player for the Chicago Bulls, so no, no autographed basketball for you.

I understand you were physically ill during one of your recent concerts. I hope you are feeling better.

Now you understand how we feel at your shows.

Regards,

The President

Oh, you're in big trouble now. This better be good.

Signed,

The President