I heard you are looking to adopt another child. How about me for the weekend?

Seriously, what is it about girls like you and Mia Farrow who go all over the world picking up children like collector plates? I kind of don't get it, and it's none of my business, but I'd just hate to see some boyfriend of yours go Woody Allen on you.

If not this weekend, maybe the next one.

Sincerely,

The President

There, is everyone happy now? I reinstated Davis-Bacon so all the workers in the hurricane rebuilding zone can get their prevailing wages. Do I get any applause? Do I get a thank you? No. Nothing.

So I'm letting Brownie take me to lunch tomorrow on his dime since he apparently is still on the payroll. Care to join me?

-P

Okay, you nazis, I've had it up to here with you. Once again, why do I have to ask you to post my cash deposit for immediate availability?

Today I gave your teller $300 and instead of getting a receipt that says $345 is available, it says $145 is available. So I walk back and ask why the other $200 isn't available now, since it's cash, not a check, and she says, oh, if you want me to do that I will.

Since you are a lending institution and you apparently want to borrow money from me, the next time I'm going to charge you a prime rate of 5% to use my funds. So if you hold my $200 overnight, I'm going to charge you $10. How's that?

I so hate you.

The President

Okay, the code word for them is "JWits." I don't want any more of their ad links on my page, so if we don't say their name, maybe they'll disappear. So if we have to talk about them they're "JWits."

Sshhhh. They're reading.

-(Initial Withheld)

Wolf, you really are a chucklehead, you and your "Situation Room."

I got a "situation" for you.

The President