Well you're off the hook as far as the Amtrak bomb threat in Boston. It turns out it might be one of Ted Kennedy's guys with an emergency shipment of Sam Adams beer.

Seeing that you're Homeland Security, shouldn't you have known this already?

-P

Well if you two had not been in an arms race you'd have more money now for earthquake preparation and relief, wouldn't you?

So start getting along now or it's going to be a long, cold winter.

Signed,

The President

P.S. If we send you any more doctors we'll have to build a golf course and a country club.

So you're gearing up for an invasion by the United States. That's actually very funny.

You've got some girls, you've got some oil, but presently we're not interested in the real estate right now. As we say here in the States, why buy the vaca when I can get the leche for almost free? Besides, it's always nicer on vacation.

Con Mucho Gusto,

El Presidente de Los Estados Unidos de America

I got a tip here that the bomb threat on that Amtrak train in Boston might have been from one of your guys. Allegedly he was running late for the train to D.C. so he called in the threat so he could catch up at the next stop two hours later.

I'm expecting this to be not true, but, well I'm never surprised anymore.

-P

Well, (expletive deleted). It has come to my attention that Monday is Halloween since everyone wants to know what's going on with a Halloween party.

I really don't care about Halloween, I really don't like it now that as an adult I'm on the other side of the egg tossing. As a kid it's cool because you're getting free candy and you get to maraud the neighbors who have always been a pain in your ass and if you're under 18 even if you kill somebody you're not going to jail for very long. It's not your gas tank the sugar is in, it's not your car the egg has dried on, so it's pretty neat then. As an adult you get the cops and a psychiatric evalutation if you're trick-or-treating in a skeleton outfit or if you're 35 and you're stealing pumpkins and smashing them in the street, nevermind beating to death the kid who flattened your tires. And hell, as The President (tm), you can't even (expletive deleted) your intern without congressional hearings and an impeachment vote, so it's kind of a drag. The only other alternative is the party scene, with people dressed up as such scary creatures as the pirate and a comic action superhero and a surgeon in scrubs and getting drunk and doing drugs and then taking off their costumes and I just don't see that as a special occasion.

So have everybody pitch in .05% of their respective department's Line 220 entry in Budget05 Work Pamphlet C and send whomever out to procure and decorate and whatever. The only stipulation I'll make about the dress code is just keep it to within local ordinances. I don't need the D.C. cops here because they never leave, like last year when they demanded I refill the punch bowl and make another batch of those little weiner wrap things and play the Oingo Boingo cd after we had already heard it twice.

Hopefully I won't be there, maybe there will be a crisis out in Arizona or New Mexico somewhere.

-P

P.S. Actually, try to discourage anyone from dressing up as a spider as every year somebody's eight legs go knocking all the pictures off the walls when they walk down the hallways.