Aaron Neville is the voice of New Oleans? That's how he was introduced at the World Series 7th-inning stretch. I would have thought Louie Armstrong, or Dr. John, or Fats Domino. Did you all have an election or something?

Probably another New Orleans fraud.

Signed,

The President

Why is there a choo-choo train sitting above the outfield? I don't get the connection with the train and Minute Maid orange juice, unless the train is filled with oranges, and I guess I still wouldn't get it.

This looks like a place you'd have a 6-year old's birthday party with a big jumper tent and somebody in a stupid costume running around.

I like barbecue.

Signed,

The President

P.S. Maybe the choo-choo is a souvenir of when Enron railroaded your entire town. Ha.

I'm a big fan of yours, Joe, so I was a little bummed out by your concern over the Houston Astros having no black players.

Joe, those poor guys can't control the fact that they're whiter than starch, and you have to admit that it is simply incredible that nine white guys could get themselves into a championship tournament in any sport, except ice hockey.

You'll also have to admit too that generally kids aren't interested in baseball anymore. The speed and flash of basketball and the physicality of football are far more attractive to the video game generations than the cerebral, off-the-clock picnic atmosphere of what is essentially hard softball.

Personally, I'm cool with anybody who wants to play good solid baseball, and I would like to see more Americans in professional baseball here, but I'm afraid that we are suffering the choke of an old boys' club that reaches out primarily for the fraternal or the cheap.

My biggest sympathy is for you Joe, who has to work with that pinhead geek Jon Miller seemingly forever for the rest of your life. For many of us white folk, we never really think in terms of black or white or whatever until we see somebody like silly Jon Miller with the dapper Joe Morgan and we weep for our dorkiness.

Anyway Joe, you're tops with me. Hi to your mom.

Regards,

The President

I'm sorry to be such a pain in the ass to you Bud, but you're such a pain in the ass to me I can't take it. In any given season, any game, you can make a tremendous number of incredibly bad decisions, and if they were based on some sort of logic I might be able to hang with that. However with you, even your logic is senseless.

1) "Baseball is an outdoor sport." That's your quote and you're quite right, it is an outdoor sport. You might also remember that it is a daytime sport and should really be played in the sunlight so you can smell the grass and feel the breeze, and not freeze your nuts off in a 45 degree October night in Chicago. Also, by your reasoning, you are banning any indoor ballparks. However...

2) The Astros were allowed to close the roof in the National League playoffs. So why the change with the World Series, or the Chicago White Sox as the opponent?

3) "It's a beautiful day. In Milwaukee, we have to wait until July 4 for a day like this." That's right, 71 degrees in Houston in the daytime. Not Houston at night. And why is Milwaukee now the barometer of weather conditions in Houston?

I just simply hate you so.

Very Sincerely,

The President

Holy crap. That Judd chick in the pre-game music baloney is holding the American flag towards the ground like it's a rolled-up newspaper.

Get that flag out of her hand and have her arrested and ejected from the park.

Stupid (expletive deleted) people.

-P