I don't know what time first pitch is, but you better make sure we get there too late to see the opening musical circus.

-P

It's a crime, Phil, when a baseball team can't be allowed to run their own ballpark. That idiot commissioner of yours is a fascist (expletive deleted).

Anyway, if you could leave a couple of tickets under the name Tex Arcana I'd sure appreciate it.

I'll be wishing you lots of luck because you'll need it. I'm just happy you finally made it to the big show.

Regards,

The President

Bud, you are such a putz.

It's their ballpark, let the Houston Astros close the roof of their stupid Minute Maid Park. If you don't close it I'm going to parachute on to the field at first pitch.

I may have to quit my job and open a website called IHateBudSelig.com. It would be so worth it.

Signed,

The President

You know what I find incredibly annoying? When people can't use a decimal point.

As you may know, the decimal point denotes a fraction of one hundred; thus if we say 1.00 means one dollar (one hundred cents), then .25 would mean twenty-five cents or 1/4 of that dollar. If someone advertises an item for sale at $0.33 that means it costs thirty-three cents, or one-third of a dollar. If someone is stupid enough to advertise an item at .33 cents, they are saying it is for sale for thirty-three hundreds of a cent, or 1/3 of a penny, which would be impossible for an individual sale as our smallest denomination is one cent.

This happens often and irritates me each and every time. I have decided it is an education problem. I also find it to be a Microsoft problem since Bill Gates won't put a "cents" sign on the keyboard. I doubt if anyone could draw a "cents" symbol freehand.

Your problem, you fix it. Educate the people on this.

Sincerely,

The President

cc: Bill Gates

Chris Jansing again. She sure is dreamy.

-P

P.S. Are you in jail yet?