I just saw your inspector general's report on failure of DHS to catch immigrants overstaying their visas. Apparently you have 300,000 questionable subjects, you've investigated 4,000 of them, and you've deported roughly 15% of those cases. So theoretically, we potentially have 50,000 deportable immigrants roaming around, perhaps doing things I hired you and your department to prevent.

Marvelous.

The President

P.S. Don't crumb on Mike Brown. You're both two clucks of a feather.

Did you really say "We don't talk about intelligence here"?

That's pretty funny.

-P

Oprah, dahlink, give it a rest. You showed up at Hermes' store fifteen minutes after closing, they're setting up for a private client function and they're supposed to drop everything to let you and your entire entourage in so you can browse at the new handbags? If there were other customers there, perhaps they showed up during regular business hours and were granted the courtesy to finish their shopping.

Perhaps given the reverse scenario, you would think it's okay for Hermes to interrupt your paid private after-hours function because Martha Stewart suddenly decides she needs napkin holders.

It's not because you are black, Oprah. It's because you were late.
Don't be a french priss.

Sincerely,

The President

P.S. What are you doing spending $6,500 on a purse anyway?

A great game tonight, all the way around. You guys are playing some tight baseball.

Thanks for the seats. I was a few sections away from Bernie Mac. He got more applause than I did coming down the steps.

See you tomorrow.

The President

P.S. These chili cheese dogs are fantastic.

A great game, you guys played hard, but you ran in to some buzzsaw pitching, and Roger was really in no shape to throw.

Like I said, unfortunately, the most interesting thing you all do is lose.

Good Luck Tomorrow,

The President

P.S. Okay the 18-inning game you didn't lose, but you could have and very nearly did.