I just read about a company that offers full benefits, like free parking. Free parking, so that their employees have somewhere they can put their cars while they do their company's work? What a radical idea.

Imagine the day employers believe that their workers need more than 30 minutes for a midday lunch break.

Maybe you should look into this.

-P

Can you imagine how annoying it must be to be managing your team in a professional baseball playoff game and you have to answer questions in the fifth inning from Gomer, Goober, and Ted Baxter from in the booth?

Now that's pain.

-P

Thank you so much for your courteous and immediate reply, and I am confident you will, as you said, forward my valued customer input to the proper department promptly.

You can forward this message to the proper department that I am declaring you a terrorist organization, and worse, a territorial monopoly.

And don't try to HTML code me. I know exactly what you're saying.

Signed,

The Auto-Reply Of The President

Hey Rummy-

Thanks for getting the Powerball tickets, and thanks for the chocolate milk and the $100,000 Bar. That was pretty funny. I wish I could have seen the look on the liquor store guy's face when you laid the cash on the counter. How long did that take to print all the numbers out?

Listen, Rummy, do me a favor, with these guys you got in the service, when their time is up, let them go home, okay? We're actually getting a fair number of voluntary re-enlistees so when the other guys are done, just let them go. I don't want you suing people to carry a rifle, I don't need the phone calls, they did their time, so eventually when we're out of soldiers we'll have to leave because we won't be there.

Dang, Rummy, you're running this thing like it was the military or something.

-P

Better you than us, bud.

Signed,
The President